Mo is the FIT4MOM Severn owner (plus instructor of #AllThePrograms), and she's been cooking baby number four these past nine months. Even as a veteran mom to her three girls, she's got some misgivings about labor and adding littles, and she shares them in a sweet and vulnerable post below.
It's the middle of the night and I can’t sleep. I’ve always been told that the sleeplessness of the last few weeks of pregnancy gets you ready for the sleepless nights of having a newborn. But...wouldn’t a full night’s sleep better prepare me?
Which has me wondering: is there really any preparing for a newborn?!
I am 37 weeks pregnant. I've just twisted my enormously pregnant self out of a twin bed monopolized by my four-year-old, pulled the covers up over her sleeping sister (my oldest), only to go into my own room and find my side of the bed completely overtaken by my two-year-old. Her days are numbered as the youngest in this family.
Am I ready to add another kid into this mix? There is barely enough room for me; is there enough room in our lives for an entire new person?!
Then my brain naturally wanders to delivery day. Not the joyous ending, but the actual exit strategy. Every night I’m having more and more contractions, again, I guess another way my body is preparing me. But after three kids, I don’t need preparation. I know what’s coming.
It’s true, you forget so quickly what labor really feels like, almost immediately. That’s probably why I’m pregnant with number four! But, with each contraction, I remember a bit more clearly. And I know I can do it, but honestly, I just don’t want to. For most of this pregnancy I’ve been just ignoring those thoughts and pleasantly believing the baby will magically arrive via stork. But, with three weeks left, I’m not fooling myself anymore.
And then there’s those three other little lives I puppeteer each day. And my brain is trying to prepare for each scenario. What if labor hits in the middle of the night? Who am I calling to come over? Is tomorrow a school day? Are their back packs packed? Do they need regular or gym uniforms or is tomorrow purple shirt day? Reminders for grandma: no peanuts in the lunch, yellow folders on Monday, maroon folders on Tuesdays, chess club on Friday, pick up in the front at 11:30, pick up on the side at 3:00. Can I get them ready to live without me for a few days? When I’m back home, can I do all of this with a little baby in tow?
But I sit in my living room (where I’ll probably end up sleeping the rest of tonight), and realize that in less than a month I won’t be up typing at 3am, I’ll be snuggling.
I let my mind wander to that little one. The tiny, scrunched up, bundle of softness. The baby's bottom sticking up with the smallest, most rub-able back, the smushiest sweet face. And the smell--that glorious newborn smell! I can almost feel the baby lying here with me. Curled up, sound asleep, too cute to look away from. In only three weeks, I’m going to meet someone who’s going to change my life forever. Again.
Because they do. Each little one changes me, molds me, adds so much to me, Mommy.
I remember each one as a baby so vividly. Some of the other milestones start to fade or blend together with their siblings over time. But bringing them home, adding one more to the family, that I remember clearly. Going home with number one, to a quiet (and clean) house and just sitting around thinking: this is us now. Bringing home number three to that same quiet (not so clean) house, sitting there, waiting for big sisters to arrive, bringing all their noise and life with them.
I am excited. Nervous, overwhelmed, and unsure, but excited. Bring it on, Baby.